I was dwelling on the past the other day, and a particular pattern over my lifetime struck me. To be clear, this isn't a relationship pattern. This a pattern that pertains more to how I respond to the initial flirtation and attempts at feeling me out that women try.
Particularly what I don't like is the assumption that I as a particular type of man who they might happen to like am somehow wasting a perfectly good life by not being what they what me to be. I've been subjected to multiple variants of comments (including in the comments section of this blog) to the effect that it's terrible to see such a good alpha male waste his life by being me.
If you know much about me from reading the blog, then you'll know that I'm not a fan of the alpha male label. One, because it's dumb to assign dog pack concepts to human. Two, because most guys I know who seek out the alpha male label do so for really dumb reasons. There are fake alphas doing it for pussy. There are guys who really want to be large and in charge. There are dude with unresolved shower rape issues from their time in on the varsity football team.
I don't see myself as an alpha male, and I object to the idea that I'm obliged to see being an alpha male as a worthy goal. I understand that most guys given the chance to have women call them alpha males would leap at the opportunity. Therein, for me, is half of the problem. What's the big deal about being a big deal if you sit around like a fourteen-year old girl really want to be a big deal? It's kind girlie and not very becoming of an actual man.
It's easy to tell that women are so used to men defining themselves as the pursuers of women that women struggle to process any other dynamic. The idea that a man wouldn't want to be an alpha male is deeply foreign to the average woman.
To be honest, you, as a woman, are well within your rights to want to have an alpha male in your life. I think it's lame, but I also think religion and politics are lame, and somehow society keeps chugging along despite my objections to those too.
Where it starts to piss me off is that I end up being the object of a lot of anger from women for not wanting to participate in the great alpha male game. There has been a clear consensus among the women I've known in my lifetime that there's something deeply wrong with how I play the game. To make the problem worse, they get very pissed that I refuse to play the game. It seems to be a high crime for a man to opt out of this bullshit, and most women are heavily insulted when they try to flirt with a guy and simply has no part of playing the alpha role that she wishes to cast him in.
Understand, I have had my fair share of women lash out physically at me for not playing along. We're not talking about women just being pissy about it. There are sore losers all over the world, so that's not my problem.
What bothers me most is the implication that I, as a man who has all the potential to fit within this obnoxious and highly objectified role of the alpha male, have not right to want to be anything else.
Women expect men who can reel women in to be out doing as much of it as they possibly can. And that in its own right is fine. The problem arises when they simply refuse to leave it at that.
Hey, if some other guy wants to be your dancing monkey alpha male, hooray for him. But don't make it my problem just because you think I would make a superb alpha male. So fucking what if I would? It's not my goddamned job to be whatever you feel I should be.
I get that the supply of men who can fit the objectified dominant role in a relationship is very low. I do not, however, consider it my fucking civic duty to make up for that by pretending to be what you want me to be just so you get a little tingle down in your girl parts.
I'm not required to be anything, and it amazes me how lacking in self-awareness women are when they start dropping shit like that on me. So what if I'd make a great alpha male? It might be a fuckin' tragedy for you, but it's just not something I want in my own life. Fuck that. That whole dynamic is obnoxious, and I have every right to chart my own path outside of the norms that women want me to conform to.
I just don't care enough about the well-being of your pussy to be bothered with being the man you think I should be.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
What I know at this stage in my life
These are in no particular order. This is rather stream of conscience.
1. The amount of information I know is huge. The amount of actionable information I know is small.
At my old age (soon to be 37), I've realized just how much information there is in this world and how very little of it ever helps you make a real decision.
2. I'm going to die childless and alone.
The math simply supports it. If I were inclined to show a shred of humility in how I respond to women by now, it would have popped up in my behavior enough to make a difference.
3. If you really want to control a woman, forget violence of any kind.
I never was one to be physical toward women, but as I've dealt with more and more of them over the years, the utter lack of utility of being physical toward a woman has become even clearer.
Go start a Fetlife profile and see how many women right now are trolling the internet hoping for just one brutal guy to be emotionally invested enough in her that he wants to beat the fuck out of her and put her in her place. For far more woman than will ever admit it, a good beating is practically a fuckin Christmas present. Rihanna's made the last half of her recording career into nothing but an ode to domestic violence and the desire to fuck brutal men.
But, as a guy, you can't win playing that game. If you want a woman to really be under your thumb, you have to just let her go entirely off your radar. It's like dealing with a child who constantly threatens to run away -- the only solution is to completely ignore the threats and special pleadings and just get on with your day.
4. If a woman wants your attention, there's no limit to what she will try.
5. Failing to pay attention to a woman rarely dissuades her.
Women, unless they've been treated as reprehensible for clearly obvious reasons (extreme obesity, serious signs of genetic defects, extreme small chestedness -- pretty much only really extreme failings), don't register the concept of a soft rejection.
It's one of the things that bothers me most about women. On balance, I prefer to be nicer about rejections where possible. It sucks to be rejected, and I try to soften the blow as much as possible.
6. Softening the emotional blow is pointless.
There's no version of a soft, safe, controlled landing with women in any sort of emotional business. The best you can ever manage is to just thoroughly discourage a woman to the point that her attention-seeking ego can't take it anymore and she eventually gives up. But as long as you remain softly engaged, she'll be willing to keep hoping and hoping and hoping.
When it comes to getting women to go away, "cut deep and cut once" is the preferred approach. If that fails, cut deep and cut a second time. And keep cutting until she gets the goddamned point or she's emptied her entire soul out on the floor in front of you.
7. Women are, on balance, good decision makers. Until they want a particular man.
In most day-to-day decisions, I recommend discussing them with a woman. I don't always advocate following a woman's advice, but you should definitely hear at least one woman's perspective regarding almost ever serious decision you ever make.
The absolute exception to this is is anything romantic. Never, ever listen to a woman when it comes to matters of the heart.
A woman's view of love is as sensible as a dog's view of eating roadkill: they'll swallow the most poisonous shit on the planet just to feel a little fuller.
Beyond that, be aware that the allure of "the right man" makes every woman you meet dangerous. For the right man, a woman will kill her own kids. For the right man, a woman will abandon here entire family. For the right man, all fucking bets are off.
Women think it's hilarious that men can be honeypotted, but the truth is men get over it and often correct their mistakes moving forward. Women will do the same dumb, dangerous shit over and over and over again hoping that the next guy who's "right man" material will somehow see her virtues.
8. Don't be too invested in attracting women.
I think it's a huge mistake to start fashioning yourself into what women like. Lots of guys on the internet right now are discussing what a great idea it is to be fit, successful and dominant in order to attract women. I deeply disagree with this point.
Be fit. It's a good choice. Don't sweat any more success than you really need to do your thing the right way every time. Fuck dominance. Just be as commanding as you need to be to negotiate life's turns, and beyond that let the rest of the world burn.
Being the image of perfection and desperately wanting it is lame and contrary to what it means to be a man. Own your shit, but be aware that there of lots of assholes trying to convince you there's other shit you should own that doesn't matter. Big, studly PUA moves are shit that you don't need to own. They're not your shit. They're someone else's crazy, and you should keep other people's crazy out of your life whenever possible.
9. Women flock to the idea of a particular man.
I can remember a couple years ago reading a few pages on the web of women talking about Viggo Mortensen. The prevailing view was nearly universal: he's ugly as sin, but women want to fuck him hard.
The idea of who you are as a man means waaaaaaay more than anything else with women. The simple way you go about your business is what will get you laid.
The gut-level feeling that a guy is simply "right" in some way is what gets women going. And nothing makes you feel more right to a woman than simply being present in the world without letting it all get to you. Be in command of your existence, and waste little time expecting to command the world around you. Women eat that shit up.
Women know that hard ass boss men are always the fuckers trolling Fetlife looking for a domme to shove a dildo in their asses and then pull it out and make them clean it off with their mouths. Don't be the hard ass boss. Women frown on that. Be the guy who just is present and capable without being a mouthy and in-charge fuck.
10. Lots of women are doing it wrong. Who cares?
There are lots of women who get their social signals mixed up and pick the wrong guy. There are lots of women who overemphasize the most wrong and brutal sexual signals too. There are lots of women who get wet for hot cars and nice suits.
Those things are their problems, not yours.
The fact that a certain class of woman might have ignored you or misjudge you means nothing. They're working through their own crazy shit just as much as you're trying to work through your own crazy shit. The fact that their crazy might not fit together like Lego blocks with your crazy doesn't mean much. Stop letting it bother you.
11. Stop relaxing and instead just focus on your own ideas.
To really be a man, you need to define your own world and your own sphere of influence. That means cutting the bullshit and building your own fully formed ideas about the world. It means exploring your interests without any regard to what the human race things of them.
12. Embrace the hopelessness of all existence.
Life is meaningless. There is no God and there is no salvation. You will die and be forgotten. Within a few million years at the very, very most, the universe will show no evidence that humanity was ever here. Forget trying to be meaningful or successful in the big and broad sense. Focus on your existence and abandon any delusions of grandeur. It's pointless.
You're not even the tiniest speck on the surface of the tiniest speck. And that's OK.
Someday, this bubble in space-time that we think of us the big and important and totally awesome and relevant universe will collapse. There will be no evidence that any of this horseshit ever happened. So none of it matters.
If you always wanted to know what human flesh tasted like, there's no compelling reason not to give it a try. If you always wondered what it would feel like to jump to your death, have at. Always wanted to be the pivot man in an MMF threeesome? Go for it. Wondering whether a diet of nothing but ketchup is the big breakthrough you need for improved fitness? Bottoms up. Wanna speed? Do it. Think unprotected sex sounds like a swell idea? Do it. Just wanna play video games and eat Doritos until your heart prematurely resigns from play? Enjoy.
That's all a list of shit I don't care to do, but it is all irrelevant and will soon be gone. Don't sweat any of it.
13. I don't particularly want to change.
At my old age, I've realized that however much change I might have in me has already been spent. I don't have it in me to become anything else at this stage in my life. There's not much use in feeling bad about that fact.
One of the biggest realizations of my life was coming to the conclusion that I've managed to completely blow off at least three perfectly marriageable women in my time. Bigger realization: I don't even care.
Does it hurt a bit to think about it? Yeah.
Would I do anything differently if presented a new chance? Nope.
On some level, I simply prefer to be me, even if it means dying alone and childless. It's not some noble battle, either. It's just me being me.
14. No matter how hard you try, you won't achieve all of your goals.
And that's not a bad thing.
If I had the resources to do everything that I wanted and I started going through the list in the most efficient manner possible, I couldn't possibly do it all before I died. There's no reason to feel bad about that fact.
If you leave behind a couple stories for other people to tell about your exploits, then you did well.
1. The amount of information I know is huge. The amount of actionable information I know is small.
At my old age (soon to be 37), I've realized just how much information there is in this world and how very little of it ever helps you make a real decision.
2. I'm going to die childless and alone.
The math simply supports it. If I were inclined to show a shred of humility in how I respond to women by now, it would have popped up in my behavior enough to make a difference.
3. If you really want to control a woman, forget violence of any kind.
I never was one to be physical toward women, but as I've dealt with more and more of them over the years, the utter lack of utility of being physical toward a woman has become even clearer.
Go start a Fetlife profile and see how many women right now are trolling the internet hoping for just one brutal guy to be emotionally invested enough in her that he wants to beat the fuck out of her and put her in her place. For far more woman than will ever admit it, a good beating is practically a fuckin Christmas present. Rihanna's made the last half of her recording career into nothing but an ode to domestic violence and the desire to fuck brutal men.
But, as a guy, you can't win playing that game. If you want a woman to really be under your thumb, you have to just let her go entirely off your radar. It's like dealing with a child who constantly threatens to run away -- the only solution is to completely ignore the threats and special pleadings and just get on with your day.
4. If a woman wants your attention, there's no limit to what she will try.
5. Failing to pay attention to a woman rarely dissuades her.
Women, unless they've been treated as reprehensible for clearly obvious reasons (extreme obesity, serious signs of genetic defects, extreme small chestedness -- pretty much only really extreme failings), don't register the concept of a soft rejection.
It's one of the things that bothers me most about women. On balance, I prefer to be nicer about rejections where possible. It sucks to be rejected, and I try to soften the blow as much as possible.
6. Softening the emotional blow is pointless.
There's no version of a soft, safe, controlled landing with women in any sort of emotional business. The best you can ever manage is to just thoroughly discourage a woman to the point that her attention-seeking ego can't take it anymore and she eventually gives up. But as long as you remain softly engaged, she'll be willing to keep hoping and hoping and hoping.
When it comes to getting women to go away, "cut deep and cut once" is the preferred approach. If that fails, cut deep and cut a second time. And keep cutting until she gets the goddamned point or she's emptied her entire soul out on the floor in front of you.
7. Women are, on balance, good decision makers. Until they want a particular man.
In most day-to-day decisions, I recommend discussing them with a woman. I don't always advocate following a woman's advice, but you should definitely hear at least one woman's perspective regarding almost ever serious decision you ever make.
The absolute exception to this is is anything romantic. Never, ever listen to a woman when it comes to matters of the heart.
A woman's view of love is as sensible as a dog's view of eating roadkill: they'll swallow the most poisonous shit on the planet just to feel a little fuller.
Beyond that, be aware that the allure of "the right man" makes every woman you meet dangerous. For the right man, a woman will kill her own kids. For the right man, a woman will abandon here entire family. For the right man, all fucking bets are off.
Women think it's hilarious that men can be honeypotted, but the truth is men get over it and often correct their mistakes moving forward. Women will do the same dumb, dangerous shit over and over and over again hoping that the next guy who's "right man" material will somehow see her virtues.
8. Don't be too invested in attracting women.
I think it's a huge mistake to start fashioning yourself into what women like. Lots of guys on the internet right now are discussing what a great idea it is to be fit, successful and dominant in order to attract women. I deeply disagree with this point.
Be fit. It's a good choice. Don't sweat any more success than you really need to do your thing the right way every time. Fuck dominance. Just be as commanding as you need to be to negotiate life's turns, and beyond that let the rest of the world burn.
Being the image of perfection and desperately wanting it is lame and contrary to what it means to be a man. Own your shit, but be aware that there of lots of assholes trying to convince you there's other shit you should own that doesn't matter. Big, studly PUA moves are shit that you don't need to own. They're not your shit. They're someone else's crazy, and you should keep other people's crazy out of your life whenever possible.
9. Women flock to the idea of a particular man.
I can remember a couple years ago reading a few pages on the web of women talking about Viggo Mortensen. The prevailing view was nearly universal: he's ugly as sin, but women want to fuck him hard.
The idea of who you are as a man means waaaaaaay more than anything else with women. The simple way you go about your business is what will get you laid.
The gut-level feeling that a guy is simply "right" in some way is what gets women going. And nothing makes you feel more right to a woman than simply being present in the world without letting it all get to you. Be in command of your existence, and waste little time expecting to command the world around you. Women eat that shit up.
Women know that hard ass boss men are always the fuckers trolling Fetlife looking for a domme to shove a dildo in their asses and then pull it out and make them clean it off with their mouths. Don't be the hard ass boss. Women frown on that. Be the guy who just is present and capable without being a mouthy and in-charge fuck.
10. Lots of women are doing it wrong. Who cares?
There are lots of women who get their social signals mixed up and pick the wrong guy. There are lots of women who overemphasize the most wrong and brutal sexual signals too. There are lots of women who get wet for hot cars and nice suits.
Those things are their problems, not yours.
The fact that a certain class of woman might have ignored you or misjudge you means nothing. They're working through their own crazy shit just as much as you're trying to work through your own crazy shit. The fact that their crazy might not fit together like Lego blocks with your crazy doesn't mean much. Stop letting it bother you.
11. Stop relaxing and instead just focus on your own ideas.
To really be a man, you need to define your own world and your own sphere of influence. That means cutting the bullshit and building your own fully formed ideas about the world. It means exploring your interests without any regard to what the human race things of them.
12. Embrace the hopelessness of all existence.
Life is meaningless. There is no God and there is no salvation. You will die and be forgotten. Within a few million years at the very, very most, the universe will show no evidence that humanity was ever here. Forget trying to be meaningful or successful in the big and broad sense. Focus on your existence and abandon any delusions of grandeur. It's pointless.
You're not even the tiniest speck on the surface of the tiniest speck. And that's OK.
Someday, this bubble in space-time that we think of us the big and important and totally awesome and relevant universe will collapse. There will be no evidence that any of this horseshit ever happened. So none of it matters.
If you always wanted to know what human flesh tasted like, there's no compelling reason not to give it a try. If you always wondered what it would feel like to jump to your death, have at. Always wanted to be the pivot man in an MMF threeesome? Go for it. Wondering whether a diet of nothing but ketchup is the big breakthrough you need for improved fitness? Bottoms up. Wanna speed? Do it. Think unprotected sex sounds like a swell idea? Do it. Just wanna play video games and eat Doritos until your heart prematurely resigns from play? Enjoy.
That's all a list of shit I don't care to do, but it is all irrelevant and will soon be gone. Don't sweat any of it.
13. I don't particularly want to change.
At my old age, I've realized that however much change I might have in me has already been spent. I don't have it in me to become anything else at this stage in my life. There's not much use in feeling bad about that fact.
One of the biggest realizations of my life was coming to the conclusion that I've managed to completely blow off at least three perfectly marriageable women in my time. Bigger realization: I don't even care.
Does it hurt a bit to think about it? Yeah.
Would I do anything differently if presented a new chance? Nope.
On some level, I simply prefer to be me, even if it means dying alone and childless. It's not some noble battle, either. It's just me being me.
14. No matter how hard you try, you won't achieve all of your goals.
And that's not a bad thing.
If I had the resources to do everything that I wanted and I started going through the list in the most efficient manner possible, I couldn't possibly do it all before I died. There's no reason to feel bad about that fact.
If you leave behind a couple stories for other people to tell about your exploits, then you did well.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Humans are manipulative -- get over it
I've long had a theory that the whole internet-based men's movement that loosely ties together pick-up arts, men's rights advocates, angry neckbeards, and right-wing "Red Pill" politicos in disguise is ultimately unified by a single thread: autism.
More than anything, I think this entire zeitgeist is driven by autistic individuals coming to the realization that human existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who works with autistic people in therapeutic situation will tell you that arriving at some understanding that human beings are manipulative is one of the big steps forward that an autistic individual can take.
Where I think thinks turn poisonous in the discussion among these guys is that it tends to be a bit of a half-realization that ends up being exceedingly self-soothing and self-serving. Rather than making the full leap to the concept that, "OK, they're manipulative, I'm manipulative, everyone's manipulative," they tend to lean on the crutch of "women are manipulative because they think its fun, and men are manipulative because women's behavior forces us to be that way."
That's an incredibly childish take on the problem. Even allowing for the idea that women might be more manipulative, there are strong evolutionary reasons why that might be the case. For example, if half of the members of your species are going to have a size and strength advantage against you, it's probably worth your time to develop an asymmetric advantage in order to fucking survive.
Beyond that, it's an astonishingly victim-centered view of oneself to feel that only one of other group of human beings are evil monsters who make you do something that you'd otherwise not do. Exceedingly immature, and worse the political right-wing element that's fostering the men's movement on the internet is leveraging this on a daily basis.
Worse, let's just be honest about autism and manipulation. Autistic people are manipulative. They just really, really suck at it. It's not unusual for males of prime reproductive age to get angry about their own inability to acquire a mate, but this particular subset (autistic, male, internet-heavy, prone to blaming others) is so far the fuck out in left field it's unreal.
The fact that you suck at something and therefore don't do it should not be confused with the idea that you wouldn't do it if you could. I may not be the world's greatest jumper, but that doesn't logically lead to the idea that all people who are good at jumping are engaged in an extant conspiracy to prevent me from dunking a basketball. It's just too much of a logical leap.
Making the whole problem worse is that there's a readership-writer feedback loop of validation. The more times a Red Pill blogger uses the term "hypergamy" (which is just the natural tendency of all human beings to seek the best available mate pairing) the more times he's applauded by commenters and readers for pointing how terrible the women folk are. The readers feel validated, and then the writer feels validated, and that all leads to a feedback loop of circlejerk "hooray for us" crap that doesn't help anyone become a better human being.
At some stage you have to make a bigger leap forward. It's not enough to notice the role that the manipulative behavior of others plays in your life. You have to, in order to be healthy human being, understand that all social existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who's ever watched a baby cry and then check for its mother to respond knows how much of a bedrock principle this is.
The problem is that ultimately, autistic children with underdeveloped manipulation skills tend to develop strong victim mentalities. There's a feeling of being constantly bullied -- even in situations where it's actually just more normal social interaction. The feeling of bullying is validated by the fact that bullies tend to pick up on autistic kids' lack of social skills and target them. That's all understandable, but if you aim to lead a healthy adult life you're going to have to move beyond that.
It's not enough to glare at the rest of the world saying, "I recognize what all you fuckers are doing." Recognition isn't much. I can recognize that I have cancer, but that recognition hardly is going to save my life all by itself. It takes other steps.
The human ego is incredibly defensive and good at insulating itself from attack. A lot of pathologies ultimately start when an individual lays down that first defensive barrier that's so think that reason will not penetrate it.
There has to come a point where a healthy adult makes the effort look out from their defensive position and see a world that might be worth visiting on occasion. Autistic kids are great at building their own little worlds, and they become adults who do a terrible job of leaving their defensive fortifications for very long -- if at all.
The problem is that if you ever aim to have a healthy interaction with a member of the opposite sex, you're going to have to suck it up and move away from the fortifications. There's more to life than simply defending your ego from harm.
Feeding into an internet monoculture where damaged autistic males sit around discussing how evil women are and how we'll all totally show them is pretty much the worst thing you can do. Yes, there are basic realizations that come with the PUA/Red Pill/MRA ideology that are worth discussing and even incorporating into your worldview.
A lot of it is quite useful on a daily basis. You shouldn't go through life being the bottom bitch to everyone you meet. You shouldn't be cloying in your eagerness to please the opposite sex. You should be aware that other people are trying to manipulate you.
There's nothing wrong with any of that, but it's merely a tool kit. You can't allow yourself to become fixated on the minute details of those working to such an extent that you forget to live an actual life. You have to be bothered to do more than just succeed at approaching a couple girls and maybe get a piece of ass.
The horror of it, at least as far as I can see, is that young men are making a monstrosity out of the very thing that they want.
One of the things the Freud got right -- and despite all the point and laugh factor people have with Freud, he got a lot of shit right despite working at the very dawn of time within his profession -- is that objectifying the opposite sex is an act of aggression toward them. To look at women as monsters because they don't offer you the ready supply of happiness and pussy that you expect is an act of aggression. Like most acts of aggression, it arises from a feeling that active defense is better than taking an ass-kickin'.
If all you feel toward the opposite sex is a need to engage in acts of aggression in order to not be caught defending yourself, you need to get your head straight. No one owes you sex. No one owes you happiness. No one owes you the best mate available. You have to make yourself a person worthy of the things that you want.
Villifying the opposite sex as a bunch of mean and manipulative brutes is dumb. Actively seeking to fuck them as a form of revenge for making you feel that way is creepily Freudian.
You really want to live your life being "creepily Freudian"?
More than anything, I think this entire zeitgeist is driven by autistic individuals coming to the realization that human existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who works with autistic people in therapeutic situation will tell you that arriving at some understanding that human beings are manipulative is one of the big steps forward that an autistic individual can take.
Where I think thinks turn poisonous in the discussion among these guys is that it tends to be a bit of a half-realization that ends up being exceedingly self-soothing and self-serving. Rather than making the full leap to the concept that, "OK, they're manipulative, I'm manipulative, everyone's manipulative," they tend to lean on the crutch of "women are manipulative because they think its fun, and men are manipulative because women's behavior forces us to be that way."
That's an incredibly childish take on the problem. Even allowing for the idea that women might be more manipulative, there are strong evolutionary reasons why that might be the case. For example, if half of the members of your species are going to have a size and strength advantage against you, it's probably worth your time to develop an asymmetric advantage in order to fucking survive.
Beyond that, it's an astonishingly victim-centered view of oneself to feel that only one of other group of human beings are evil monsters who make you do something that you'd otherwise not do. Exceedingly immature, and worse the political right-wing element that's fostering the men's movement on the internet is leveraging this on a daily basis.
Worse, let's just be honest about autism and manipulation. Autistic people are manipulative. They just really, really suck at it. It's not unusual for males of prime reproductive age to get angry about their own inability to acquire a mate, but this particular subset (autistic, male, internet-heavy, prone to blaming others) is so far the fuck out in left field it's unreal.
The fact that you suck at something and therefore don't do it should not be confused with the idea that you wouldn't do it if you could. I may not be the world's greatest jumper, but that doesn't logically lead to the idea that all people who are good at jumping are engaged in an extant conspiracy to prevent me from dunking a basketball. It's just too much of a logical leap.
Making the whole problem worse is that there's a readership-writer feedback loop of validation. The more times a Red Pill blogger uses the term "hypergamy" (which is just the natural tendency of all human beings to seek the best available mate pairing) the more times he's applauded by commenters and readers for pointing how terrible the women folk are. The readers feel validated, and then the writer feels validated, and that all leads to a feedback loop of circlejerk "hooray for us" crap that doesn't help anyone become a better human being.
At some stage you have to make a bigger leap forward. It's not enough to notice the role that the manipulative behavior of others plays in your life. You have to, in order to be healthy human being, understand that all social existence is inherently manipulative. Anyone who's ever watched a baby cry and then check for its mother to respond knows how much of a bedrock principle this is.
The problem is that ultimately, autistic children with underdeveloped manipulation skills tend to develop strong victim mentalities. There's a feeling of being constantly bullied -- even in situations where it's actually just more normal social interaction. The feeling of bullying is validated by the fact that bullies tend to pick up on autistic kids' lack of social skills and target them. That's all understandable, but if you aim to lead a healthy adult life you're going to have to move beyond that.
It's not enough to glare at the rest of the world saying, "I recognize what all you fuckers are doing." Recognition isn't much. I can recognize that I have cancer, but that recognition hardly is going to save my life all by itself. It takes other steps.
The human ego is incredibly defensive and good at insulating itself from attack. A lot of pathologies ultimately start when an individual lays down that first defensive barrier that's so think that reason will not penetrate it.
There has to come a point where a healthy adult makes the effort look out from their defensive position and see a world that might be worth visiting on occasion. Autistic kids are great at building their own little worlds, and they become adults who do a terrible job of leaving their defensive fortifications for very long -- if at all.
The problem is that if you ever aim to have a healthy interaction with a member of the opposite sex, you're going to have to suck it up and move away from the fortifications. There's more to life than simply defending your ego from harm.
Feeding into an internet monoculture where damaged autistic males sit around discussing how evil women are and how we'll all totally show them is pretty much the worst thing you can do. Yes, there are basic realizations that come with the PUA/Red Pill/MRA ideology that are worth discussing and even incorporating into your worldview.
A lot of it is quite useful on a daily basis. You shouldn't go through life being the bottom bitch to everyone you meet. You shouldn't be cloying in your eagerness to please the opposite sex. You should be aware that other people are trying to manipulate you.
There's nothing wrong with any of that, but it's merely a tool kit. You can't allow yourself to become fixated on the minute details of those working to such an extent that you forget to live an actual life. You have to be bothered to do more than just succeed at approaching a couple girls and maybe get a piece of ass.
The horror of it, at least as far as I can see, is that young men are making a monstrosity out of the very thing that they want.
One of the things the Freud got right -- and despite all the point and laugh factor people have with Freud, he got a lot of shit right despite working at the very dawn of time within his profession -- is that objectifying the opposite sex is an act of aggression toward them. To look at women as monsters because they don't offer you the ready supply of happiness and pussy that you expect is an act of aggression. Like most acts of aggression, it arises from a feeling that active defense is better than taking an ass-kickin'.
If all you feel toward the opposite sex is a need to engage in acts of aggression in order to not be caught defending yourself, you need to get your head straight. No one owes you sex. No one owes you happiness. No one owes you the best mate available. You have to make yourself a person worthy of the things that you want.
Villifying the opposite sex as a bunch of mean and manipulative brutes is dumb. Actively seeking to fuck them as a form of revenge for making you feel that way is creepily Freudian.
You really want to live your life being "creepily Freudian"?
Friday, January 16, 2015
How quickly a woman can switch tempo when she wants a guy
I was doing a bit of reading -- yes, I've slowed down enough to read this week! -- and came across something discussing the idea that if a woman wants a guy, she won't make him wait. In fact, she'll move mountains to make a piece of ass happen.
This got me to thinking about a specific story.
I have a friend who I like to call the Internet Pimp. For whatever reasons, he's good at online dating. I tried to figure it out once, but I realized that online dating chicks are just the same annoying shit only with more work, lies and distance involved.
Whatever the case, he can pull it off. To a point. Probably his biggest weakness is an unwillingness to commit to a brutally pervish alpha male approach to things, despite the fact that he sure seems to be turning these chicks around on about a two week timeline once he has them properly engaged and pushing toward meeting and sex. He grew up in a very social conservative environment (practicing Catholic, lifelong Republican), so all I can ever guess is that some of his more beta behavior is a self-defense mechanism where he's protecting himself from the truth of his own rather ruthless sexual intentions.
Every so often he manages to get an attractive chick talking. I've seen no evidence that he can close these chicks, but just hooking a non land whale into a convo through an online dating site is in point of fact an accomplishment.
I hang around his place enough that I get mentioned pretty often in these convos in the form of "I have a friend here". Every now and then a rather frisky chick will ask for a pic (yes, single women know no bounds of rudeness). I'm not a fan of this stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to have a few predictable laughs at a chick's expense. This, however, gives rise to one of the more, "Wow, I did not realize how stupid women can be in the pursuit of dick," moments.
He was talking with this chick who works at a federal law enforcement agency in an in-the-field capacity. The friend thing came up, and the pic thing came up, and suffice it to say she went full retard.
She wanted to chat me up a bit, but I took a pass, so he just opted to annoy me on here behalf (did I mention he can do some obnoxiously beta things?). Being who I am, I just blew it off and responded to the questions in pretty much my standard form: treating her like a non-entity, an idiot and a total piece of shit.
Within two hours this evolved into her offering to travel more than two hours at that exact moment. Beyond that, she indicated that she'd use government resources to do it! Apparently she was in a position within law enforcement where she could insinuate herself into local happenings and use that as an excuse to travel on the government's dime whenever she wanted. (Yes, these are the people protecting you.)
Aside from the fact that fucking a federal agent seems like a pretty obvious "no" to me, I thought the whole eagerness to meet factor was creepy as fuck. I'm all for telling women that their behavior is creepy. They don't get told it enough.
She kept pushing the issue, so I finally told him to tell her that if she's that hard up for a piece of ass, I'm sure we could just order her a male prostitute in her area and save her some travel. She tried to laugh it off as impractical and haha, but I noted that wherever there's a federal presence of any size there's definitely going to be prostitutes of all genders and orientations available for ready exploitation.
She took umbrage to this, and he brushed it off as me having a strange sense of humor. (I do, but that's not what this was about. I just don't like encouraging women's creepier tendencies.)
The conversation subsided. Several days later, he saw me and said, "You know that chick asked about you again. She wanted to know how you're doing."
I asked, "What did you tell her?"
He replied, "I told you're my friend, not my kid. I don't keep track of how you're doing."
I'm pretty sure sometimes he engages in these exchanges just for the benefit of taking notes on how I respond to women, because that response seemed like a significant and sudden upgrade for a guy who had recently humored her attempt to bypass him and seek his friend's attentions.
What's funny is that he told me he had been trying to work her over for two months. Further proof that a woman isn't willing to advance toward the finish line, cut her loose.
I, of course being an arrogant bastard, thought the whole thing was funny. He couldn't get her to agree to anything in two months, but all I had to do was treat her like dirt for a little while and she was offering to use government resources to come meet me right away.
That's your ladyfolk for ya. Thoughtful, kind, well-adjusted, decent and capable . . . right up until a mean boy who they want to fuck refuses to give them the attention that they seek. Then they turn into corrupt, dangerous idiots who are willing to commit a federal offense and lose their jobs.
It doesn't paint a reassuring portrait of the fairer sex, but it certainly explains a lot of bullshit.
This got me to thinking about a specific story.
I have a friend who I like to call the Internet Pimp. For whatever reasons, he's good at online dating. I tried to figure it out once, but I realized that online dating chicks are just the same annoying shit only with more work, lies and distance involved.
Whatever the case, he can pull it off. To a point. Probably his biggest weakness is an unwillingness to commit to a brutally pervish alpha male approach to things, despite the fact that he sure seems to be turning these chicks around on about a two week timeline once he has them properly engaged and pushing toward meeting and sex. He grew up in a very social conservative environment (practicing Catholic, lifelong Republican), so all I can ever guess is that some of his more beta behavior is a self-defense mechanism where he's protecting himself from the truth of his own rather ruthless sexual intentions.
Every so often he manages to get an attractive chick talking. I've seen no evidence that he can close these chicks, but just hooking a non land whale into a convo through an online dating site is in point of fact an accomplishment.
I hang around his place enough that I get mentioned pretty often in these convos in the form of "I have a friend here". Every now and then a rather frisky chick will ask for a pic (yes, single women know no bounds of rudeness). I'm not a fan of this stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to have a few predictable laughs at a chick's expense. This, however, gives rise to one of the more, "Wow, I did not realize how stupid women can be in the pursuit of dick," moments.
He was talking with this chick who works at a federal law enforcement agency in an in-the-field capacity. The friend thing came up, and the pic thing came up, and suffice it to say she went full retard.
She wanted to chat me up a bit, but I took a pass, so he just opted to annoy me on here behalf (did I mention he can do some obnoxiously beta things?). Being who I am, I just blew it off and responded to the questions in pretty much my standard form: treating her like a non-entity, an idiot and a total piece of shit.
Within two hours this evolved into her offering to travel more than two hours at that exact moment. Beyond that, she indicated that she'd use government resources to do it! Apparently she was in a position within law enforcement where she could insinuate herself into local happenings and use that as an excuse to travel on the government's dime whenever she wanted. (Yes, these are the people protecting you.)
Aside from the fact that fucking a federal agent seems like a pretty obvious "no" to me, I thought the whole eagerness to meet factor was creepy as fuck. I'm all for telling women that their behavior is creepy. They don't get told it enough.
She kept pushing the issue, so I finally told him to tell her that if she's that hard up for a piece of ass, I'm sure we could just order her a male prostitute in her area and save her some travel. She tried to laugh it off as impractical and haha, but I noted that wherever there's a federal presence of any size there's definitely going to be prostitutes of all genders and orientations available for ready exploitation.
She took umbrage to this, and he brushed it off as me having a strange sense of humor. (I do, but that's not what this was about. I just don't like encouraging women's creepier tendencies.)
The conversation subsided. Several days later, he saw me and said, "You know that chick asked about you again. She wanted to know how you're doing."
I asked, "What did you tell her?"
He replied, "I told you're my friend, not my kid. I don't keep track of how you're doing."
I'm pretty sure sometimes he engages in these exchanges just for the benefit of taking notes on how I respond to women, because that response seemed like a significant and sudden upgrade for a guy who had recently humored her attempt to bypass him and seek his friend's attentions.
What's funny is that he told me he had been trying to work her over for two months. Further proof that a woman isn't willing to advance toward the finish line, cut her loose.
I, of course being an arrogant bastard, thought the whole thing was funny. He couldn't get her to agree to anything in two months, but all I had to do was treat her like dirt for a little while and she was offering to use government resources to come meet me right away.
That's your ladyfolk for ya. Thoughtful, kind, well-adjusted, decent and capable . . . right up until a mean boy who they want to fuck refuses to give them the attention that they seek. Then they turn into corrupt, dangerous idiots who are willing to commit a federal offense and lose their jobs.
It doesn't paint a reassuring portrait of the fairer sex, but it certainly explains a lot of bullshit.
Dropping by to say hello
My apologies to folks who were regular readers. I managed to dig myself pretty deeply into a major math project that's had my attention since the middle of the fall.
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